The rhythm is gonna get you!

Patience is not fatalistic shoulder-shrugging resignation – it is the acceptance of the divine rhythm to life. – Neal A. Maxwell

Follow the Yellow Brick Road…

“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere”- Frank A. Clark

I’ve followed a fairly consistent theme on this blog I think – life isn’t a sprint – it’s an endurance multi-sport race and there are lots of stumbling blocks along the way.  We may not like them, but they help us grow and improve.  If the race was always flat and sunny, it would be BORING.  There’s just so much going on, and you have to possess significant perseverance and endurance to maintain your direction in life.  It’s just like a triathlon – you stop, you fall behind.  You have to be prepared for things to seemingly drag.  We want things now but they don’t always occur that way, so we’re patient and we keep going.  I’d love to be 10 minutes faster on my swim in a sprint triathlon.  Well, that isn’t going to happen today, it’ll happen as I put in the time to make it happen.  That’s life – no one is going to walk up to you and GIVE you a phenomenal life, you have to go out an make it.  We hear the platitudes daily.  Might seem trite, but they’re true.

Well, something happened today that made me really question this whole idea of patience and perseverance – a friend of mine is a nurse at the UCLA medical center.  She got called into work early last night to help a set of twins that was born at 26 weeks – yeah, that’s way early.  Even my niece Kaja made it to 29 weeks before she was born (I hope that’s right, I think it is) and she had to stay in NICU for the time from when she was born to when she SHOULD have been born and it was touch and go a lot for her.  She made it and is now a beautiful young lady of 7.  Nothing short of a miracle.  (Yeah, I know all birth is a miracle – it’s definitely a case of some more than others).  So, when I heard about the twins last night, I didn’t even sweat it, I figured they’d be fine after some time like Kaja is.  Yes, she has her challenges, but she’s a great little girl and just adored by her family and friends.  We love having her around.

Well, this morning my friend texted me and informed me one of the twins died.  I don’t even know the family or anything and I was just crushed.  And worse, the other twin may not make it, I haven’t heard as of the writing of this post – I almost don’t want to know.  All I can do is pray for the family that they can find some kind of comfort.  I know if my son died, I would be WRECKED.  I’d just be destroyed, despite my religious beliefs, it would be devastating.

Anyway, it made me think all day long – what am I waiting for?  Life is so short, it’s so fragile, it’s SO important RIGHT NOW.  It’s vital that we’re with the ones we love, taking care of each other, making priceless memories, LIVING life.  If we’re waiting for something to happen, how much are we missing.  If you don’t take the time to pay attention to the scenery, have you really taken full advantage of the race?  Is it enough to train and run and finish?  I just can’t think it is.  There is a lot more to it.

If you’re wasting ANY time in your life, you are wasting a resource that can not be recouped.  Get going on whatever it is you want to do.  Do not wait.  Do not fear.  LIFE IS TOO SHORT.  Live…now.

You won’t appreciate it!

“That which is most difficult to obtain is what you value the most.”

I saw this quote on a friend’s Facebook page today.  He made it into a joke about really valuing sleep, which was pretty clever, but the part I quoted above really made me think.  And when something makes me think, well guess what – you 3 people that follow this blog get to read about it.  Congratulations.

Remember when you were a kid and you asked your parents for something?  Did they ever make you earn the money for it?  Was the excuse for making you earn the money so that you would appreciate the item?  I’m not 100% sure my parents ever did that to me for that purpose, but I know I’ve heard this theory a lot.  When I look at how my own son treats his possessions, I tend to believe it.  And I know when I’ve spent my hard-earned money on something – especially during times I don’t have any money – that I value it more and take better care of it.

If it works for things we work to purchase, does this also work for things like relationships?  I can only use my own experience, but I tend to think it does.  If a relationship is just handed to me – it’s easy to get – it doesn’t require any effort on my part – I tend to not really care much about it.  I don’t REALLY know if that’s a result of the relationship just not being valuable to me or if the person just wasn’t right to be in a relationship with (whatever kind of relationship you want to use here for your definition).  Not sure if it’s the chicken or the egg.

And I’ll be 100% honest here, I’ve been a sheep in the past when it comes to relationships – I fell into the belief that if one doesn’t work another one will be along shortly.  Yeah, it will but chances are pretty darn good it’ll be another bust – IF I haven’t done any work to make it valuable!  Remember folks, I’m using my own experience here, but I’ve seen plenty of friends doing the same thing, so I don’t think I’m far off here.  There are SO many variable to consider here and I’m sure one of you three will have some great scenarios for us to consider but a great relationship doesn’t just HAPPEN.  If it did, we’d all be in them.  There is something else, something real we have to put into it.  It’s probably service and selflessness to a large extent – but even that’s a 2-way street.

So, I guess what I’m saying is, if you’ve found something you really want in a relationship – DO SOME WORK, take some time, persevere, exercise the dreaded patience, and really let it sink in if that’s what you want.  Frankly, if you’re not willing to do that, it’s not that important to you and you SHOULD move along and do something else.

I will BREAK YOU

 

- Ivan Drago – Rocky IV (I think)

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. Ernest Hemingway

A friend posted this quote today and I absolutely love it.  I think too often we think we’re the only ones being broken, the world hates us, the universe hates us, God hates us.  It’s not true.  To quote one of my favorite authors – All this is for your good…IF when you get knocked down and broken, you get back up and heal your wounds – learn, grow, persevere, flourish!

Anyone ever prune a rosebush?  I had a few rosebushes in my front yard in Plano, TX when I lived there.  I had NO idea how to properly prune them, and we didn’t have Google back then – hahaha.  So, I simply got my pruning saw and cut them down to bare bones.  They literally looked like plant cancer victims.  I thought I’d killed them for sure.  Within DAYS, they were back, stronger, bigger and more beautiful than ever – with HUGE thorns (I think they were trying to get me back).  How many of us can manage that?  A lot more of us than we may think.  Be a rosebush and when you get pruned back to nothing, come back bigger and better than ever – EVERY time.

Run your Race!

We’ve all heard platitudes like, “Life isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon” and things like this.  Right?  Is life really a marathon?  Think on that for a bit as you come along with me on my train of thought (yes, it may be a short train).

A marathon requires a certain, specific kind of training.  If you go by popular training methods it has to do with a lot of miles being logged in preparation for the race.  That works for a lot of people.  Day in and day out putting in the miles, conditioning your body to perform in a like manner that will be required on race day.  Totally makes sense.

There are also schools of thought that miles aren’t the key – that strength is the key.  In this method one might run more sprints and lift weights to raise leg strength and do a lot of interval training.  If you read “The 4-hour body” you’ll see a story about an ultra-marathoner that puts in VERY few miles week-to-week relative to what you’d think would be required of such an athlete – yet he WINS some of the most difficult ultra-races in the world.

I’m sure there are other less orthodox training methods out there that people have used to successfully complete marathons, triathlons, ultra-races, etc.

Anyway, I’m getting off the point a little – the training for a marathon is vital, or you’ll end up like some friends of mine who a few years ago tried to complete the St. George marathon in St. George, UT without ever having even run 13.1 miles at one time.  Yeah, they ended up a gooey mess on the side of the race course without finishing.  However, there is something about a marathon that ruins it for me as far as the metaphor for life is concerned.  It’s ALWAYS the same distance.  The terrain can be varied, the temperatures fluctuate – there are variables, but they’re all 26.2 miles.  Life is not all 26.2 miles for us.

I’m going to say life is more like an adventure race.  Have you ever participated or witnessed one of these Races?  AMAZING.  Check out the Primal Quest (PQ) Series (especially the 2006 Moab, UT version), or the Adventure Xstream Series.  These events are always different – disciplines, distances, locations, elements, everything!  AND, you run them with a team.  We do not go through life alone, and we do not run the same race the whole time.  And I know a lot of you love marathons, and I appreciate that, but they’re boring.  An adventure race on the other hand is pure excitement, a pure test of will and training, and a test of one’s perseverance and…let’s say…intestinal fortitude.  At PQ Moab, the teams had to ride horses in the desert, run many marathons, mountain bike, rock climb, rappel (with their mountain bikes a couple of times),  kayak, river float, and ice skate!  I’m kidding about the ice skating, but it seriously wouldn’t have surprised me.  All the while trying to figure out when to eat, when to drink, how to get enough nutrients to survive, when to rest, what to do about injuries (the blisters were the worst things I’ve ever seen) and how to SURVIVE.  And truly, the coolest part is the teams.  The WHOLE team has to finish, but as in just about everything, each person has his/her strengths that the others rely on to get them all through specific events or tests.  The successful teams (not just winning, but finishing these races is a HUGE accomplishment, a serious feat of human endurance) work together and lean on each other and depend on each other.  The teams that fail, fail because they aren’t able to carry each other.  That seems a lot more like life to me.

Anyway, this is getting long.  Think about it, see if you agree with me.  Maybe some of you like your life being a marathon instead of an adventure race, tell me why!

As you’re contemplating this analogy, think on this:  If you’re training for a race and you arrive at a junction in the path that you’re on and one direction will challenge you, it will put the fear of failure in you, it will crush your will, it will make you ask, “what am I DOING out here???” and it will take WAY longer to get home; where the other way will still help you put in miles and get you home sooner and make you feel “good” about your efforts – which do YOU choose?  Don’t lie to yourself, tell the truth – there’s no value in self-deception.  When you’re ready, comment away!

Social Anesthesia

I had the fantastic opportunity of getting surgery on my torn Achilles tendon a week ago. The process leading up to the surgery was pretty standard – I’ve been in a hospital for surgery before so I kind of knew what to expect. When I got into the operating room, the anesthesiologist came in and talked to me and set me up to go to sleep. This always cracks me up after the fact because I’ll be having a full-on conversation with the doctors and nurses and then I feel fuzzy and the next thing I remember, I’m waking up after surgery. This always amazes me. I essentially slept through getting my leg sliced open, the tendon sewn back together and then the leg sewn back up. This is some pretty traumatic stuff and I felt nothing.

In thinking about this whole event today on the way back from a follow up visit, I realized how many of us are going through life like we’re on anesthesia. It could be anything causing it, but I was inspired to contemplate “social anesthesia”. I doubt this is unique theory, I’m sure someone, somewhere has written on this before, but it’s a real phenomenon. People attach themselves to as many friends as possible to mask the pain they feel from not having the things they truly desire or really need. The huge group of friends allows them to cruise along without feeling the pain of lacking in their life. Please, don’t get me wrong – friends are GREAT – my friends have totally stepped up in a big way to help me out during my rehab. However, many people hide behind friends to make themselves numb to real life. I know there is going to be a lot of backlash to this article from the 3 people that might read it but if you look, you’ll see what I’m referring to and I’m 100% sure that a VERY large percentage of those people, if being honest, would choose something else over this large group of friends if they were to really get what they wanted.

So, why do we allow this to go on? Because it feels better than the pain we feel from not having our dreams become reality. I’m very glad I was asleep for surgery and likewise we’d rather be numb than deal with our disappointments. If we’re going to have what we really want let’s stop being comfortable and let’s deal with a little pain to make our dreams a reality. No more wasting time on things that don’t get us what we want. No, don’t abandon your true friends, let’s keep this drama-free but so this: Write down what it is you really want; write down what you’re willing to do to get it; and START. So, unless your goal in life is to amass more Facebook friends than anyone else and attend more pointless events – get off the social anesthesia and get going on the things that REALLY matter to you. Ready? GO!!!

Get Rich or Die trying!

Traits of multimillionaires: Strong Belief system (repost from Sandy Botkin www.taxreductioninstitute.com)

Traits of multimillionaires: Because I strongly believe that making money is more than just making money, in the next few days, I will be covering what traits I, and other tax lawyers, have seen in very wealthy people. I think you will find this VERY illuminating and helpful.
The first trait is BELIEF: Multimillionaires have an incredible belief system in themselves. Mark Victor Hanson, who co-wrote the Chicken Soup series told me that most people don’t believe that they deserve to be rich. I didn’t believe this until I heard a lottery winner say, ” I didn’t think I deserved it
Having this strong belief system is CRUCIAL. If things don’t go well or the businesses fails, this strong belief system allows them to pick themselves up and start over. It is the basis for attempting risk in order to start up a business or seizing opportunities.
Daily exercise: Every day, I want you to point to yourself in the morning and say, “I deserve to be rich.” ” I also want you to say, “I want to be rich.” If you do this everyday, it will help overcome the obstacles and challenges that we all have. It’s a very important exercise and doens’t take much time to do.

Sandy’s words are wise.  Here’s a little evidence:  The typical lottery winner millionaire is flat broke again within three years of winning the lottery.  A millionaire that loses her money will be a millionaire again within 3 years.  What’s the difference?  The attitude and belief system of the millionaire relative to the lottery winner.  Chew on that one for a while and figure out where you fall in.

Fantasy Island

“A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep.” – Saul Bellow

Read the above quote and let it sink in for a minute.  It is deep, it is poignant, it is cutting.

How often do we place a lot of time and energy into an illusion?  A fantasy world?  A perception that is not in line with reality?

Why do we do this? Is it a defense mechanism?  It is a refusal to change?  Is it an inability to deal with reality? Is it mental illness?  It is conditioning?

I think Seth Godin of “Linchpin” fame (yes, my favorite book of the moment) would say it’s a result of the industrial revolution.  Being a cog in a machine does not mesh with our natural desire and drive to be creative and artistic in our chosen activities.  We’ve been conditioned to see the world as a series of processes and maps, where there really are none.  School, our jobs, our peers, we’ve been practically brain-washed to “fit in”.  Really, we don’t WANT to fit in, but we’ve been told that what we have to do.  We really want to stand out.

So, the life we live is not in line with the life we truly desire because we’ve allowed ourselves to become cogs and we’re trying to fit ourselves into the map of life that someone else has written for us.  It doesn’t work!  We force it, we go to work every day for 8+ hours, we trade 5 days a week for 2 on the weekend.  We spend more time with coworkers than we do with our families, we mortgage our lives for a few bucks on a paycheck and this does not jive with what we really want – so we create fantasies.  For some these are deep-seeded fantasies to the point that they become their reality.  This does not mean it IS reality, it’s just their reality.  It becomes a disconnect from actual reality because of some sort of pain or discomfort with the world around them, the people around them, etc. When people tell you perception is reality, it is a fallacy!  Just because the sky in your world is green does not change the color of the actual sky.

How do you know if you’re fooling yourself?  How do you know if you’ve created a fantasy world to insulate yourself from the discomfort?  For me, when I do this – and I do – I have to do some self-evaluation.  I have to compare what I’ve determined is going on with what is really going on.  I compare what I’ve created in my head to actual actions.

Am I really working as hard as I can?  Am I doing everything I can to achieve my goals?  Am I selling myself short but creating rationalizations to cover it up?  Am I being the person I’m supposed to be or am I hiding from that responsibility?  Where the answer is no, I have to destroy the fantasy and align again with reality.  This isn’t easy, this is painful.  This process can open up wounds, it can show weaknesses, it requires leaving the comfort zone – fantasy is comfortable – it’s the happy place!  Only once you deal with the discomfort and deal with reality can you become who you want to/should be!  Staying in your fantasy world is like Odysseus and his men among the Lotus-Eaters – you can completely lose track of your purpose and direction and not even realize you’ve lost yourself.

It’s your call; do you want to be who you’re supposed to be, or do you want to remain in a fantasy world with a little guy yelling about an arriving plane, and never realize your full potential?  It’s uncomfortable, but it really seems worth it to me to shed the fantasy and just kill it in reality.  As always, comments and insights welcomed!!!

Your Brain on Reality TV…

…picture a bowl of mush here.

Disclaimer: I am not going to tell you to blow up your TV.  I don’t think anyone would do it based on my recommendation anyway, but rest easy.

My dad used to always say the boob-tube would turn my brain to mush.  He said it to all the kids of course, as we were glued to The Dukes of Hazard or the A-Team, or something awesome like that.  I never believed him.  I kind of do believe it now.  It’s not so much that the content is particularly bad, or harmful, but with standard TV programs, your brain can kind of click off and it really doesn’t have to work much which leads to atrophy, just like failing to exercise any muscle in the body.  The brain needs real stimulation and standard TV programs don’t provide any.  Yeah, they’re funny, or cool, or exciting, but you don’t have to do much thinking while the show is on.  The brain functions just enough to capture the basic idea of the show and react when appropriate.

Then…there’s reality TV.  No, I’m not picking on my friends that somehow manage to watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette shows, but that is what spurred this post.  Where regular TV may allow you to put your brain in 1st gear, or even neutral and just kind of idle along, reality TV (MOST of them, I do like The Amazing Race sometimes) seems to put your brain in reverse or worse – something akin to being out of oil in your motor, to keep the car metaphor going.  This crap is truly damaging.  20 women vying for the “love” of one man?  Really ladies?  You’re ok with this?  I’ve brought this up with some very intelligent women and they all seem to blowoff the idea that it’s bad.  I ask, “If we were dating, would you allow me to make out with 19 other women at the same time?”  ”NO WAY!!!” is always the response.  So, why would you watch this show and think for one second that it’s realistic or legitimate?  It’s an absolute affront to common decency, really.  Yet, women flock to this show, ostensibly to see romance bloom from this farce?  If this is romance, we’re in big trouble as a society – the terrorists have definitely won.  More like the ladies watch to see the drama unfold, to find a villain and a hero/heroine, or some other reason to get their “fix”.  Maybe it makes them feel better about themselves to see these sad people who are selling out to be on TV?  Could be – I know I felt really good about myself after watching one episode of Jersey Shore, to find out what GTL stands for.  This stuff is worse than brainless, it is really damaging.  Maybe doing what I tell my son when he wants to watch TV truly is the way to go, “Go outside and play or read a book!”  The terrorists definitely don’t want that, they want us brain-dead and obese.  Really, the choice is simple, so don’t blow up your TV – I mean the NFL Red Zone channel will be on soon – but perhaps quit giving audience to such BAD “guilty-pleasure” TV and do something that will improve your life with that time.  Just an idea.  Enjoy.

Comfortably Numb?

Is Facebook making us numb to relationships?

I’m 100% sure that a LARGE percentage of my Facebook “friends” have me hidden on their news feeds.  It’s OK, I’ve taken to using a large number of my posts to share Daily Deals from my company, www.dealsthatmatter.com.  I figure it’s OK since we help raise donations for charities, schools, non-profits, etc.  It’s apparently annoying to many.  That’s fine, I think it’s a good reason to post on my wall, and I’ll continue to do so.  I think people are just mad they can’t post whatever they want on my wall, so they’re bitter.  Then, I see friends who post things, such as service opportunities, chances to help out a friend, etc on their walls that get little to no reaction.  Whereas, if you post something about boobs or shower farts (and NO, neither term is in the tags for this article), you’ll get a million replies.  Thus my question.

In the past, when we weren’t so inundated with a constant barrage of information on our “friends” were we more likely to help out, to reply to requests for assistance, to lend a hand?  It’s starting to seem like it.  It feels like maybe our grasp on reality is slipping a little because we can interact with our “friends” online, feel like we’re a part of each others’ lives, but when it comes right down to it…maybe not so much?  Is reality too real, and online interactions too easy?  I dunno, that’s why I’m asking.  With a LOT of people, I still prefer a text conversation over a phone call, but I’ll take face to face over either anytime!  It’s real!

I’m not intentionally trying to call anyone out, so no one get all butt-hurt or offended, but last year, when we’d put out requests to help a friend move, we’d get an awesome response.  Now, people don’t even ask anymore because no one shows up.  The moves are “advertised” in the exact same fashion, but the desire to interact in real life seems to be seriously diminished.  Curious isn’t it?

I’ll be the first to admit, I check Facebook pretty regularly.  It used to be really entertaining, and I got hooked.  Now, other than the weekly invite to flag football or ultimate frisbee and some cool articles from industry professionals I like, it’s lost all it’s gloss.  And No, Google+ isn’t the answer.  Hanging out with friends in real life is the answer.  That’s just me.